My Heart Is A Blank Canvas
by brogen.the.li0n
Summary: There was the doctor, the junkie and the blue-haired wild child from Jax's past. Now an art teacher, Brogen is transferring back into the town she hates the most. Charming's always had it's fill of drama, but she would never think it would end up being this heavy. Jax/OC
1. The Black Hole

**My Heart Is A Blank Canvas**

_by: BrogenBabyyyyy_

_Summary: There was the doctor, the junkie and the blue-haired wild child from Jax's past. Now an art teacher, Brogen is transferring back into town she hates the most. Charming's always had it's fill of drama, but she would never think it would end up being this heavy._

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><p><strong>Chapter One: The Black Hole<strong>

Charming; it's one big, black hole. No matter how far you run, no matter how long you're away, it's just one of those god-awful places that will always and I mean _always _suck you back in.

When I graduated, my friends and I swore up and down that we would never, ever come back. Now for most of them, that ended up being true. Most of my friends either joined the military the second they could or attended college out of the state. But a handful of us ended right back here; including me. I did move and go to college. I did plan to make a life away from Charming and start over. But because of some family emergency and an ability to transfer to my old high school as an art teacher, I was coming back once again after all these years. My sister needed some kind of support from me. Apparently there was a lot of heavy shit going on in Charming and she couldn't handle it on her own. She was alone, after all. No blood related family members to rely on, no friends either. So even though I completely dreaded it, I told her I'd look into transferring to Charming High and luckily enough for her, I was able to do so.

Don't get me wrong, I was happy to be able to see my sister again. But now I was going to be back in that miserable shitty rotting town again for a while. But I reminded myself that if I didn't involve myself with anyone and nothing related to home and my job, I'd be okay. I had to stay where it's safe.

Safe... Hah, safe in Charming? Yeah, okay. I was gonna at least attempt to be.

I pulled my truck into the driveway of her house. On the porch, I saw that slender hot mess of a brunette that I shared half of my blood with. She greeted me with a smile and waved, heading in my direction. I smiled back shaking my head slightly. Taking the key out of the ignition, I rolled down the window as soon as she got to the driver's side. I sighed at her, "What kind of shit did you sign up for, Althea?"


	2. It's What We Do

**Chapter Two: It's What We Do**

"...She died on the kitchen floor of her own home. Blood was splattered everywhere, dishes were shattered. Eli Roosevelt, the former sherrif, he was shot and killed there too." Althea explained to me what's been going on so far. I've been playing catch up with her for the last hour in the dining room as we had breakfast. No matter how tired I was from travelling, my eyes never left her. I wasn't so much in shock that the amount of violence had escalated in Charming, but the fact that someone I knew and went to high school with, was murdered. Rival members going at it is one thing; but this was on a whole new level.

My stomach was knotted up. I broke eye contact with my sister for a moment and stared down into my cup of coffee in disbelief trying to wrap my mind around some sort of answer. "Jesus Christ... I knew Tara and Jax had history back in the day and the fact that she hated it here. The moment she got the chance to bail and escape she took it. I think it was not only because she hated Charming like the rest of us, but her and Jax had a bad break up when we were kids. Probably because of the fact he was in the Sons."

"You were friends with her?" Althea asked me, in a sort of surprised tone.

I took a sip of coffee and then replied with a shrug. "We were more aquaintences, I guess. Jax was one of my best friends. We knew each other through them dating. I've known him since the eighth grade. Come beginning of senior year, we pretty much grew a part. I was growing up, he wasn't. I gave up the whole 'rebel kid' ordeal when I tried to focus on college. He continued to stay wrapped up in SAMCRO. Haven't spoke to him since."

"Rebel kid huh?" Althea grinned. "Doesn't surprise me. Little punk rocker or something?"

"Pretty much." I admitted. "Bright blue hair and big ol' combat boots. Leather, terrible makeup and spikes. Oh god, spikes on everything."

She laughed at my former phase. "Nice!"

Althea and I, however half-sisters, didn't know much about each other until we caught up a few years ago. She found me through facebook while I was living in Arizona. We would keep in contact and visit each other, and then a little while back when she told me that she got assigned to Charming as the sherrif, I knew right off the bat that was a bad sign. I told her I was staying in Phoenix and she could come visit me; but I would never again step foot in Charming again. Well, it's funny how when things go wrong, plans will rapidly change.

"So tell me what do you need from me, Althea?" I questioned her. "The violence hasn't spread to the schools has it?"

"No, no. The schools are safe. That was one of our main priorities to make sure any gang activity had not leaked into them." she reassured me. "I just... I don't know this place that well like you do. When I'm not in uniform, I'm still freaked out about all this. I figured maybe you can help me out a little. Help me with any information you have and also keep me company while I'm here. It gets pretty lonely without family around."

I nodded. One question was tugging at me more than anything. "...Did he kill Tara?"

I didn't want to believe that Jax would ever do something like that. Especially to the woman he loved most. Then again, it's be several years. I haven't talked to him in forever. Jax could be someone completely different. You know, some say people never change. I think that's a load of shit. People change just like the seasons. He could be something far worse now than just some punk kid in a motorcycle club.

Althea didn't answer right away. "...We don't know yet. The DA will be meeting up with him face-to-face in a couple of days. She said she'd inform me as soon as she knew anything. There's still a lot of missing pieces, nothing is adding up. But a word to the wise, I know you grew up here but don't get mixed up with any of them. SAMCRO scorches everything they touch. Friends, family, even citizens have paid the price for getting too close. I don't want to see my own sister be the next person to be pumped full of bullets."

I understood that quite clearly. "I know. You have nothing to worry about. Honestly, I want nothing to do with anyone and anything except for my job or my family. I'm here for you, Althea."

My older sister smiled. "Thank you, I'm glad you're doing this for me."

"Don't mention it." I told her. "It's what we do."


	3. Mama Bear And Baby Bear

**Chapter Three: Mama Bear And Baby Bear**

I yawned for what seemed like the thousandth time in a row. I've been a teacher for many years now, but nothing would ever caused me to become used to getting up at five in the morning. School was out for the day, but I was still so exhausted. In my first few months of being an educator, I learned that the 'Newbie Teacher Starter Kit' would involve extra pens and pencils (and when I mean extra, I mean you might as well have one grocery bag filled to the top with them), extra paper, two bottles of asprin and lots and a to-go coffee mug because you would be drinking coffee. All day. Even after the last bell.

I was one to lose a lot of energy during the day, so I always drank my fair share of coffee. After the bell rang to release the students from school, I stopped at the closest gas station to refill the truck up. I exited the store after I paid for my tank including a fresh cup of coffee and a new pack of cigarettes. I was about to head over to the pump when a soft voice had tickled my ear. A female voice, muttering. An _older _female voice. It sounded so familiar.

I looked to my right and noticed a tall woman in leather with signature stilletos that I couldn't forget even if I tried. A cloud of cigarette smoke and long chocolate locks streaked with blonded clouded her face. I might have been gone for a while, but I could spot this person from a mile away every time.

"Gemma?"

The woman immediatly jumped out of being startled when I spoke. She looked in my direction and appeared a little taken a back when I noticed her. For some reason, something bothered me about her. I could tell something was off about her. I mean it was Gemma, but a different Gemma. The Gemma I knew wasn't so easily scared. She was confident and courageous. She would never talk to herself either like some whack-job.

But out of fright chiseled a sort of delighted look as soon as she noticed who I was. "Well, fancy meeting you here."

I agreed. "Yeah, fancy that. How've you been? You doing okay?"

"Oh yeah," she attempted to reassured me. I was always talented at reading people and it was clear she was putting on a mask. I just didn't know why. "just a stressful day. Well, it's been more than just a day. We recently just had a death in the family."

"I actually heard about that. Shame what happened to Tara." I replied. "My condolensces."

Gemma look confused. "How did you know about Tara?"

I purposely skipped out on some details. "Some family of my own and through the grapevine. Y'know how stuff spreads in Charming."

She acknowledged my answer. But Gemma wasn't stupid. I believed she suspected I was hiding something, just like I thought about her. The atmosphere rapidly became tense as the silence started to fill up in between the gaps of our conversations. We were both different women, that was clear as day. I'm not sure if I wanted to know what was haunting Gem or not. I knew what lines not to cross before things becamed too blurred. I had to admit though, I was torn. The Tellers were like a second family to me for a lng time. But on the other side of the coin, I wasn't going to betray my blood family by getting involved in their business. Whatever was happening with them, they needed to handle it without brining outsiders in. That's just the way it was suppose to be.

I voluntarily changed the subject. "So where's Baby Bear, still in Stockton?" I smirked trying to at least lighten things up a little.

"Actually he just went inside. He stepped in the bathroom for a-"

Interrupting us, the chimes on the door alerted us that another was joining us. Out of the store, emerged a very large version of Jax. He surprised me even more than Gemma did. I guess the whole crew must have changed. Nothing really scares me, but Jax's whole prescence had slightly intimdated me of course. His looks, obviously were different. Hair was slicked back and short, he was much more scruffier and he appeared as if age did him well. Jax's built was also much more impressive. He was no longer much of a string bean, he now towered over me completely. Although, that wasn't all. Of course, I could tell he was in pain from the loss of his wife. Sad, but more angered than anything. That was a given for anything tragic that struck someone. But hate diluted his energy. He was carrying the weight of a mountain of torment.

Jax turned to his mother, then to me. He gave me an off look. "...What're you doing here?"

I scrunched up my face at him. Mourning or not, there wasn't any need to be rude. "I live here now. Jesus, nice to see you too Jax."

Jax apologized sincerely. "Sorry... I didn't mean it like that. Just haven't seen you in a while... I'm also going through a lot of shit, so I'm not myself."

"I heard, I'm very sorry."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." He opened up his arms, guestering a hug attempting to form a smile. I accepted it, embracing him in a tight squeeze. After all this time, Jax's hugs still felt the same. I noticed too he still smelled like wind and faint body spray, almost making me nostalgic. But as soon as that happened, I let go. I had to keep my guard up. Clearly since Jax was released, he wasn't Tara's killer. However, that doesn't mean I should get comfortable around him or SAMCRO.

As soon as we split, the blonde picked up my teacher's lanyard and examined it for a second before switching his eyes over to me. "I'll see you around..."

Without allowing me to say anything back, he travelled back to his car. Gemma didn't bother to hug me, only have me a goodbye in a similar sullen tone. "Welcome back, sweetheart. Look forward to bumping into you again."

I nodded. But thought _'Don't. You'll be wasting your time."_

**A/N: So I know this is off to a slow start, but the next chapter will bring some excitement. Thanks to everyone that's stayed with me so far :D **

**- B**


	4. Learn Your Place

**Chapter Four: Learn Your Place**

Time passed and surprisingly enough, I didn't end up seeing Jax or any of SAMCRO around. The last time I saw him was at the gas station where he, not by choice found out where I lived. I assumed I'd be seeing him, another member or even Gemma around for that matter poking around.

But, nope. Nothing. I was left alone. That is how I wanted it after all. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help to wonder why he didn't have stopped by even to catch up for even five minutes. But that's the thing, the more I allowed myself to be nostalgic, the more I allowed myself to become vunerable, I eventually would find myself to become open for attack. Or maybe, he just didn't care. Whatever the case, I had to make sure I was protected.

Not only did I find that strange, but even Althea was making me wonder about her too. I knew that she was working hard. Being dropped into a blood bath was keeping her more than occupied. But she wasn't coming home a lot, and it kept me wondering if she was okay. Being caught up at work was one thing, but what else was going on with her?

"Wow, Sarah, that's amazing." said one of my students behind me. A boy was marveling at his art project partner's work. For a second my memory had brought me back to a moment when I was in high school. I mean, it was almost an identical..

_Jax and I sat at a table in the back of the art art class. Our assignment, since we were sophmores, was to start with something basic to draw. All of us were given mugs to use as references. Neither he or I were having fun at this at all, but for completely different reasons. I had no problem accomplishing this assignment in less than fifteen or twenty minutes and Jax's reason was because he was getting more and more frustrated. His irritation was expressed more than really what it was worth. But then again, I had to remind myself. I've been drawing since I could hold a pencil, art was a passion for me. Jax was just doing this to get an easy good grade. He was into things like gym...or lunch. _

_"I seriously can't draw for shit." Jax groaned. He was unhappy with his mug and knew that he'd more than likely get a failing grade at it. By seeing the over-erasing and darkness of the lines you could tell that he at least tried. "Wow, that's amazing." _

_I shrugged. "Eh, it's nothing. Not really much of a challenge. But thanks. Need help?"_

_He chuckled and flashed a 'is it that obvious' expression my way. "Duh, it'd be appreciated if ya did!" _

_"Alright, alright smart-ass." I picked back at him. "Lemme show you what to do..."_

"Hello...? Ms. Jarry?" Sarah's voice dissolved my flashback, waving a hand in my direction.

"Yes, Sarah?"

"Does my painting look okay? Does it need anything?" she requested my advice.

I studied her canvas and suggested, "Make sure not to make your background so busy. Use one _maybe _two colors behind the focal point so that way the attention is not being drawn somewhere else."

"Thanks, Ms. Jerry. I'll do that." Sarah said with gratitude.

"No problem, let me know if you need anything." I informed her. I glanced up, staring at the TV that hung above my desk. I usually kept it on the news on mute, even during class time. I wanted to stay informed with everything that was going on. Today's headline that was plastered on the screen made my heart dropped.

**'Local Business Attacked Last Night, Over Twenty Dead' **

I searched for an explanation, scrolling through the captions which only made me feel worse.

**"...We suspect it's due to a gang war, local motorcycle club, Sons of Anarchy might be involved, but it hasn't been confirmed yet."**

Jesus fucking Chirst... well, that does answer a lot. I was beyond disgusted but I wasn't surprised. I didn't say anything, I merely shook my head. Althea was right. Everything and _anyone _that came in contact with SAMCRO would eventually meet their end. When are they ever going to learn when to quit? How many more needed to die on their watch to make them finally get it through their heads that this is fucking wrong?

...I suppose nothing will ever change in this place, it only ends up worse.

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><p>"Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm just a burger joint picking up some grub, I'll be home soon. It's all good." this phone was connected to my face for the last thirty five minutes. I wanted to end this phone call ten minutes in. I love Althea in all, but she worries over me like I'm ten years old or something. "Yes, Althea I just got caught up at work, what do you want from me? I'm fine. Just relax, I already grabbed dinner so just pop in a movie and I'll be there s-"<p>

And there he was. Propped up by my truck. He finally found me.

My sister kept calling my name anxiously, _"Brogen? Brogen, what's going on? Are you okay? Brogen answer me, what's happened?" _

How...did he know where I was?

I mean I literally expected him to stop at the school. But unless he can perdict the future, I don't know how he figured out where I was going to be at after the final class ended.

"I-I gotta go. I'll be home soon." I hung up on Althea. I was at a loss for words. The blonde brightened up when he saw me, flashing that infamous smile at me along with a wave. Was he expecting me to react in a good way to this? Like I'd be okay with this? I mean, what the hell was this, some sick joke?

I kept my cool as I tucked my phone into my back pocket. I engulfed myself in a serious manner. "Are you stalking me now, Jackson?"

"Not exactly," the blonde replied. "I meant to see you a while ago, but I got caught up in some business, so I had some guys try and find where you were at for me."

"Huh.. I see. Business you say? Let me guess, it wouldn't be club business would it?" I feigned worry, placing a hand on my chest, dramatically. I didn't do it in a way to play with him either. The sourness in my voice I was hoping would be a dead give away.

The blue in his eyes turned ice cold at my tone. "Actually yeah... why?"

"Do you want one answer back, or _over twenty?_"

Jax immediatly retorted. "Y'know Brogen, you should really quit watching the news."

"Why?" I snapped back. "So you can keep the public sheltered from your bullshit? Pull wool over Charming's eyes so you can keep trying to convincing everyone that with what you're doing, it's to 'protect' them?"

The anger that I was starting to rise inside of Jax was causing him to practically snarl. He quickly whipped himself off his bike over to me. "The club didn't hurt Diosa. It was only under fire because it was a retalitation hit from another gang trying to weaken us. We weren't able to get there in time. Secondly, who the _hell _are you to preach about someone you're not? Huh?"

I scoffed. And kind of shit did he think he had on me? "The fuck are you talking-"

"How's your sheriff sister doing, by the way?" Was that her on the phone earlier?" Jax called me out. Oh shit. "You don't think I did some intel on you now that you're back? Last time I checked you were Brogen Finn not Brogen Jarry. How long have you been lying to me about that, huh?!"

"You don't know _shit, _Teller. Don't even make this about me. I'm not the one causing bodies to drop everywehre I go, including my innocent wife!" I shot back. Rage blinded me so bad that I couldn't realize in the midst of everything, I went too far. Way too far.

Before I could even do anything I found a large finger in my face. "Do yourself a favor and learn your fucking plce. If anyone is never welcomed around the club, it's cops and traitors. And you appear to be knee-deep in shit with both areas."

I couldn't say anything. I would be a liar to say I wasn't actually scared right now.

He broke away from me, instilling only fear into me. "Have a good night, Brogen. I'm sure I'll be seeing you again."


	5. Mama Bear To The Rescue

**Chapter Five: Mama Bear To The Rescue**

I walked inside and tossed my shit by the door. I made my way into the living room where Althea was at. The minute I came into sight, the freak out began.

"Christ, there you are!" she jumped off the couch. She had quite the flair for the dramatic. I wandered away from the soap opera that was about to begin and toward the kitchen. But I couldn't even make it there without her following, bombarding me with a million and a half damn questions. "Why did you hang up on me, did something happen to you? Are you hurt? What happened-"

"Althea!" I hollered, stopping in my tracks. I rotated around. "I've had a very, _very _long day. Please, can you save the questions for another time?"

She didn't respond right away. In fact, Althea looked rather confused at my reaction. "Yeah...sure."

"Alright, well I'm going to-" I began to say until I noticed something different about her. There was something on her neck. "...Althea is that a hickey?"

I poked it causing her to flinch, she quickly covered it up with her hair where her uniform probably most of the time would have. "Wh-yeah, so?"

"Jesus, that's why you haven't been home lately? Because you've been getting some ass?!" I flipped out.

"So I'm seeing someone, what do you care?" Althea tried to excuse herself.

"I don't, but you can at least tell me the truth instead of making me think you're out on the field or at the office or something!" I told her. "I mean you're up my ass all the time like tonight if I'm a smidge late, but you're just _allowed _to be a hypocrite?"

"What I do on my personal time is none of your business. I didn't ask you to come back down here to come start fighting with me. So, if you don't have anything fucking nice or useful to say, then save it because I don't need to hear it." the brunette snapped back.

"Fine," I shoved the bag of food in her hands. "Dinner's on me. I'm not hungry anymore."

I was so heated that food and spending time with her was out of the question. I stormed off to my bedroom. Maybe Althea didn't deserve me ripping into her like that, but I've just been fed up with everyone's bullshit today. Could I not trust _anyone_?

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><p><strong>Jax's POV<strong>

I couldn't tolerate being around anyone tonight. I needed to find some peace of mind. I found myself wandering to the only place where I could find that the most. The place where I could go to think and to also stay close to the ones who were ripped away from me.

I stepped toward the cemetary grounds and travelled over to her. The finally got my wife a decent headstone which made me happy. Tara always deserved the best... always... Sadly, I was too wrapped into my own problems that I was more than ignorant and blind to pay attention to hers. It's something I'll constantly regret. One day I know that regret will eventually eat me alive.

As I kneeled down to pay my respects, my phone began to vibrate. I ignoredi t at first, thinking it was a text. But, it kept on, alerting me that it was a phone call from someone. I made a face as I pulled it out of my pocket, trying to wonder who it was and why they were calling me. Everyone was told not to bother me tonight. Unless someone was dead or dying, I really did not feel up to talkin' to anyone.

I stared down at the caller ID as it flashed _'Mom' _at me. Goddamn Gemma, it was really not the time to be calling me. I mean, what the hell did she want? I flipped it open. "Hey Mom, everything okay?"

"Yeah baby, I was just gonna ask you the same thing. Haven't heard from ya all day." she replied. I'm in my late thirties and yet, my mom still to this day wants me to check in with her. I get the whole _s'he's your mom, she's always gonna worry about you' _thing, but honestly, it get's a little over-the-top sometimes.

"Yeah, just visiting Tara." I informed her.

"Oh... " Gemma sounded strangely uncomfortable with that. "...Are you coming home tonight?"

"Probably not, mom."

"Well, the reason why I called is that I wanted to know if you wanted to make a stop with me somewhere before you go to work tomorrow." she told me.

"Where to?" I asked her.

"The high school." Gemma answered me. I growled internally. I already hated this idea. "There's an art show going on to support some charity fund, did you wanna go with me? I was thinking of donating...and what not."

"Well Gee, Mom. I haven't seen you do anything like this in a couple years." I said, already knowing what she was planning. "Are you planning to donating cupid's arrow to the _art teacher_?"

"No, baby, it's not even like that." she tried to cover her tracks. Even though my own wife was dead, Gemma still wanted to have any form of romantic female company around me at all costs. "I just figured, it would be nice to get away, spend some time together-"

"Mom what are you doing?" I cut her off.

"l'm just trying to see if you wanted to stop by and see how Brogen's doing." Gemma admitted. "She was your best friend back in high school and she's in town again. It would be good to see her, Jax."

I could have said _No mom, we can't go see her. You won't like her now since she's been the sherrif's sister all along. _But knowing her, if I told her that, she would go ape-shit and start something over at the sherrif's office... again. And Gemma wouldn't also let this go if I didn't agree to it. "Fine, but only for fifteen or twenty minutes. I got a lot to do tomorrow."

"I know." she understood. "Meet me over at my house in the morning?"

"Sounds good." I said, before hanging up. I looked over at Tara's headstone and shook my head. I felt somewhat guilty. Instead of spending some time with my wife, I was distracted by a phone call from my mother to talk about another woman that I didn't even want to deal with. My fingers traced the engraving of her name. I whispered "_I'm sorry, babe..._"

I was so lost without her. Nothing could ever bring me back to feeling complete like Tara did. I once heard the saying 'Everyone deserves a second chance.' Well, not for me. I don't even deserve a second chance anymore. I let Tara down. And when she died... so did my heart.


End file.
